3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
