My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
