Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
