I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
