I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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