your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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