At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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