Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
