I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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