I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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