i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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