I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish you could order shots online.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
