At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
