Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
