but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize