He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
