Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
