I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
