Your mouth is God's brothel.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I believe in your delicious
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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