You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
