How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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