I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I will be naked everywhere
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
