3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
