I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
