glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Green mimosas i think yes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
