literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
