i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
