in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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