Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
