Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
