If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
