I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
