The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
