When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
