3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
