tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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