life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
