Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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