I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
