I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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