if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
