You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
