i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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