I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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