I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
