You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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