But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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