Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
