Cold hands, warm shart.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
