I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
