After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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