In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
