imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
