If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
