If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
