We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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