How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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