I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
