I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
