I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
