Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
