After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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