So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
