I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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