Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
