your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
