The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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