I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
