dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
