please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He passed out mid-signature
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
