My friends, they love my intelligence
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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