i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
