we're chasing vodka with high fives
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
