I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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