it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
