I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
