we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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