At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
