im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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