Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
