After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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