I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
