Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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