I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
