Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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