He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
